A HUGE Change

The time is quickly approaching...tomorrow I leave on my weaning weekend. I am heading off to spend two nights in a hotel with my sisters and best friend, Sarah. We are going to go to Six Flags on Friday night and spend the rest of the weekend shopping, eating, sitting in a hot tub, watching a movie or two, and relaxing. I am excited, sad, nervous, and a whole lot of other conflicting emotions. I am really ready to be finished with the whole nursing thing but at the same time it means that yet another chapter has come to an end with my sweet Claire Alyse. I want to cherish and love every moment with my girl and really live in the present, but it is hard not to try and hold onto the sweet baby past.

I am not one of those people who was thrilled about nursing. I mean I knew that I would do it because that is what is best for the baby, but it wasn't one of those things I dreamed about. Once I got through the "razorblade stage" (those of you who have nursed know what I am refering to) I fell in love with nursing my baby girl. Those moments of rocking her and being still and quiet will stay with me forever. I love holding Claire, I have from from the first time she was placed in my arms. I love cuddling her and singing to her, I love praying for her and gazing into her eyes or watching her dream. These moments have become fewer and farther between as she has become more and more active so nursing her is when I take advantage of her being in my arms and remaining somewhat still. I think this is one reason that I have continued nursing far past my original goal of six months.

I will miss those moments, but I am looking forward to the future where I have a little more freedom. I know that we will find other ways to connect and find peace with each other. I am really praying hard that she will still find times to cuddle me. I know in my heart that this is the right time to move on, even if it is going to be hard adjustment.

Please pray for me, Allan, and Claire this weekend. Allan will be completely in charge of his daughter for the first time. I am confident that he will do great, but I am sure he could use a few prayers for patience. Pray for Claire that she would transition smoothly and be able to feel comforted and loved by us. also pray that she would be able to sleep well both at naptime and bedtime (yes I am one of those moms that fed her baby to sleep). Pray for me that physically and emotionally this will not be too painful. I really need this break and I really need to sleep well adn get rested up for this next chapter of my life.