So those of you who have known me for the last 13 months know that Claire is a blessing in many ways, but sleeping is not one of them. I made the decision early on that I was not going to let her scream herself to sleep and I will say that I still feel that was the right choice for me. I also unconciously made the choice to feed her to sleep...I didn't know that this was a trap until it was too late. So for the last four hundred and three days I have been the only person that can get my baby to sleep for naptimes, bedtimes, and most middle of the night wake ups. I am trying to get away from the whole feeding to sleep thing for the fifth time, actually it was Claire's idea this time. She will eat for about three to five minutes and then she is ready for the next step in sleepy time....this is the part that is killing me. I usually rock for a few minutes until she starts tapping me on the face saying "nose" over and over, then we stand up adn she lays on my shoulder while I pace and pace and pace until she remembers that I have a nice head of hair just waiting to be pulled (in a playful way), then we move on to the cradle hold still pacing until she realizes that I have eyelashes that evidently are a bit offensive because she wrestles me to get a good yank. At this pont I am doing everything in my power not to let her feel my stress so I lay her in her bed and place my hand on her back so she knows I have not abandoned her. As soon as any pressure change occurs she is on her feet so I let her stand in her bed and rest her head on my chest while I stroke her hair, she soon is comforted enough to lay back down all by herself. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED...or maybe not. I start to make my move towards the door and she senses it and is on her feet again screaming with every ounce of breath she can squeeze out (now remember I am not the mom that lets her baby scream herself to sleep). I walk defeated back towards her bed where she quickly begins to smile adn I think I see a hint of her thinking "that's right lady I am the one in control here, now where are those boobs?!?!" I am exhausted from the pacing the standing, the tip toeing, the screaming so I pick up this bundle of joy and walk back towards the rocking chair where I give her what she wants, just one more sip. Then the process starts over only this time I decide that I will only pace for five minutes and then she is getting back in her bed. Please keep in mind at this point "naptime" has been going on for almost an hour and this is how every putting her down experience has been for the last three days.
Guess where my baby is right now...screaming in her bed. I will save her soon, but heavenly days did my back adn mind need a break.
3 comments:
You'll be glad that you have this documented someday. :) Hang in there!
Emily, you're hilarious!! I want you to know I've been praying for you extra the past few weeks. I KNOW first hand how hard this time is, and I did it very much the way you are doing it. I agree-it's hard to hear your dear little one scream, but a little break is good. I actually wasn't as good as you--I didn't try the "leave and let cry" thing until this past March when Coby was gone for training. It was a kind of rough few days, but by night three, she really took well to getting in her bed. For me, it was worth the tears--for both of us. She doesn't wake up in the night anymore, she rests more peacefully. I know every situation is different, but I do understand so very well, and I'm gonna keep prayin'!!
My Precious Grownup Baby Doll,
I think you just wrote down many a mamas' experience with their sleepless little ones. I know I can totally relate... TOTALLY! I was never successful at having a baby who slept all night until they were two. I did the rock, feed, tiptoe, pat, stroke, pace, rock, feed, etc. etc. thing over and over and over again. Thank GOD all of you turned out pretty darn great; even with having a distraught and exhausted mom at times. Certainly there were times I let you 'cry it out' but I still grieved over it at the time; even if it was somehow good for you. Definitely one of the hardest and most controversial things I ever did as a mom. Some say you're ruining your babies if you don't let them cry; others say you damage them emotionally if you do. Lord help!! I'm with you punkin seed; mommies just have to have a break at some point before their back goes out or they have to be comitted to a looney institution. Your sweet spunky baby girl can't be in control. It's not good for her or for you. She's too little to make those decisions and she has no idea of what she's getting herself into if she doesn't learn to be under authority as a child. My guess is, that as you pray for wisdom, God will be faithful to give it to you. Then if you clearly see that Claire is manipulating you in order to get her own way; peace will come in letting her cry (not necessarily mental peace, because it's just not fun to listen to a crying baby no matter what), but heart peace that you can trust will be there. Claire will learn that you love her, but that there is a time to sleep and a time to play and those times are dictated by mommy and daddy; not by her screaming. So hard to live it out I know, but nothing is impossible through Christ. He loves you and His ways are in order and peaceful; not confusing or condemning. I will be praying for you and for Claire; that she would learn quickly and that the tears would become less and less as the days go by. Lord, bring Your peace in this situation. I love you Emily Joy; and Claire Alyse will be just fine. She has such a special mama who loves her more than words can tell.
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